Meet Ebeneezer Grumpypants, the Bogle and find out more about him and his life .

What is a Bogle and who is Ebenezer GrumpypantsEdit

To understand Ebeneezer Grumpypants, it is necessary to learn some of the history of the Fae known as

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“Bogle” and of Clan Grumpypants.

A Bogle is one of the lesser Unseelie Fae.  History is unclear if they are a smaller race of Goblins, Brownies than have gone bad or evil house spirits. They live all over Scotland, but are found more in the lowlands than in the highlands.  The English variant of the name is Bogart, and other spellings include Boggle, Bogill and Bwg in Welsh.  In Ireland they are called Bogeys or Bogeymen.  While most of the clans or solitary individuals avoid humans and other Fae, there a couple Bogle clans that have somewhat close contact with humans and Seelie Fae during the course of their short (approximately 800 to 900 years) lives.  These are Clan Grumpypants and the now extinct Clan Boogerflinger

Clan Grumpypants is a lowland Scottish clan that lives in the southwest of Scotland and north of Wales.  The have strong ties to the Irish although they have little or nothing to do with any of the Bogarts in England.  Clan Grumpypants was on of the few Scottish Unseelie Fae that responded to the call for help sent out by the Seelie Faeries living in Ireland to help with their battle against the demons known as the Fomorians.  After the battle and after months of recuperating from it, the three surviving members of Clan Grumpypants were granted honorary admission into the Seelie Court known and granted the blessing of the Daoine Sidhe, (Daoine Sith in Scottish), because of their valor in the battle.  Because of this “admission”, Clan Grumpypants is one of the few Goblinkin Unseelie in Scotland that can come out into the daylight without turning to stone. As a result many from Clan Grumpypants have been the daylight protectors and Royal Guardsfae of the Unseelie Court and palace. The “admission” to the Seelie Court has also caused some issue with the general make up of the clan attitude and thus and many actually don’t dislike the other the Seelie Fae living in the area, although ALL seem to be somewhat allergic to fairy dust and faerie glitter.

Ebeneezer Grumpypants is a direct descendant of one of the survivors than returned from Ireland.  Like all members of Clan Grumpypants, he has a rather bitter outlook on life, often times grousing about the weather, glitter, haggis prices, glitter, birds chirping, hugs, cost of beer, bubbles, the amount of hair on his knuckles, glitter, bubbles, hugs tomatoes, etc.   He has been alive for around 770 (he thinks) some odd years, (no records exist of his changeling). Because of changes to the world and the growth of human population into the surrounding forests, the 2000 (approx.) year life span of the Bogle race has dropped dramatically to around 800 years.  Thus he is considered to be an “oldster”.

His early life in the militaryEdit

The year is 605 AD, the place: the Kingdom of Northumbria, the human king is Æthelfrith.The humans have been warring back and forth in the area and the kingdom of Dál Riata to the northeast under king Áedán mac Gabráin has fallen.  He will be dead in three years time. Grumpypants was around 50 when he was forced by his parents to join Queen Mab army. He had been terrorizing the local area around Troon, Scotland where he lived and finally the Fae of the area and the humans complained to the clan chieftain.  Grumpypants' parents felt it would be best if he were sent away and found a way to direct all the energy.  Thus the military. He quickly adapted to military life and soon had risen in the ranks.  He spent the next 600 (approx.) years of his life in the Army of the Unseelie eventually becoming the commanding officer for the Northern sector around the 425 year mark. He distinguished himself during the Great Goblin War and the Siege of Chowder. He was offered a position as a Whipmaster Kommandantie and took the post around the 510 year mark. His brutal discipline and unwavering loyalty made him both hated and loved by recruits and by the senior staff of the military. After 100 years of this He became Chief of the Royal Guardsfae (Daylight) at the palace and because of his abilities to be out in sunlight without any ill affects, he and his fellow Daylighters soon became a fighting force to be reckoned with.    His old age, distaste for palatial life and the backstabbing and snarky rumors that is life at court soon caused him to despise any and everything to do with the military and anything to do with Queen Mab.

Life after the MilitaryEdit

This is and excerpt from Grumpy's memoirs.  He best explains how he felt and what happened during the the years hew wandered and finally settled down.

I had just retired from military life and my life at the palace of Queen Mab, I found myself somewhat lost for the first time in about 500 years.  I think it was around the year 1204, (note: Some Fae measure time the same as humans, others don’t).  I was probably about 650, maybe 700 years old.  I knew I didn’t have long for this world, at best another 200 years to live if I was lucky.  My family had long since died and as far as I knew I was the last of my branch of Clan Grumpypants.

What I did know is that I was bitter, cynical and rather sad that my life had been pretty much useless when I look at the wonderful things my father had done. My father had won championships as a chimneyfarter and beerburper, he had won trophies for them!  My mother was a cook of no small measure and I had fond memories of her coming home with the blue ribbon from the local faire for her Pixie and Rhubarb pie, (I wonder if I can find that recipe…). What had I done?  Oh I know I was the commander of an entire section for the Armies of the UnSeelie.  Yes I had, fought Humans and Elves and Faeries in battle and had reveled in the slaughter of them.  Yes my monstrous nature had led me for awhile. Yes I had risen in the ranks at the palace and been a well-respected guard for Queen Mab…. But at the end of the day…. What HAD I really done? What did I have that could I claim?  Scars both physical and mental. No mate, no children, a bad knee, high cholesterol and ulcers and, well, a pretty crappy outlook on life.  Most, if not all, of the troops I had commanded had long since moved on to other assignments or died in battle and I never did have many friends at the palace.  

(I’ll tell you palatial life really is rotten, back-stabbing, gossip, mean, petty and nasty.  The number of times I had to pretend to ignore the cheating and lies spewed by the royal court….  Well, it IS an UnSeelie Court, I suppose that should be accepted as the norm.  I just couldn’t stomach it anymore)

I was just tired and worn out.  Tired of killing over something as petty as land or a river, tired of yelling at the undisciplined Bogles, Goblins, Kobolds and Trolls while training them to be solders. Tired of the life at the palace and looked upon with fear because of my wild temper and so I left and started walking around Scotland.  Eventually I would go home to where I grew up, but for now I was wandering.  

I wandered up to the Isle of Skye and spoke with Fae both Seelie and UnSeelie there.  Went off to Wales and Ireland to see what there was to see. Visited with my uncle and his wife for a bit. Spent some time in Edinburgh and made a few quid terrorizing people in the castle.  I wandered around Loch Ness hoping to see the beast that lives there, spoke with humans and Faeries about what was going on in Scotland… the wars, politics, clans, ridiculous cost of unicorn meat.  I was saddened to see there were no stories about me, good or bad.  I was of the impression I was somewhat famous…. Maybe it was all in my head. I realized I was putting off the inevitable, going back to my family home.  I just didn’t want to.

After some time I decided I couldn’t put it off any longer.  I headed towards a small village called Troon, my family and clan had lived near there for many a year.  I was dreading what I would find.  The cave had been closed over for about 100? 200? years.  I know how humans like to dig and poke around and there might not be anything left to go home to.    At one point I ran into a distant cousin and she told me she had been visiting with my clansbogles and that yes the cave was till sealed, but that had been 10 years prior.

I finally arrived at the cave where I was born, grew up, spent many an hour learning how to be a bogle from my father…  It was still sealed up.   I wandered around it, ever edging towards a small clearing with two mounds, barley visible any more…. my parent’s graves.  Finally I stood there, looking at the spot where the only people in the world that had ever cared for me were buried…I couldn’t take it anymore.  All the grief, anger, loss, the full realization that I was now utterly and totally alone just came pouring out.  I collapsed and wept for hours.

Weeks later and numerous hours soul searching I realized I couldn't stay at my parents cave any longer.  I gathered some personal items I knew I wanted to keep and left, breaking the enchantments of protection and causing the bulk of the cave to collapse.  Sealing it forever.

Autumn was in full swing and the nights were cold, I could smell snow on the air and it looked as though winter was going to be a rough one.  I trudged along, bypassing human villages and towns and not really paying much attention to where I was going. Then one afternoon while skirting an aptly named village called Briarwood, for briars were EVERYWHERE in the woods, I quite literally stumbled into a small clearing that was still green and felt… like something I had known in the past.  It wasn’t much, but the “feeling” and signs were there, a magic feeling, old, like a tickle of a long ago memory you couldn’t quite grasp.  I drew my sword and looked around for an ambush. I peered at everything, fearing a threat, suddenly realizing I had been stupid enough to stumble into a Faerie ring which meant could be Faeries waiting to attack. 

-excerpt from the memoirs of Ebenezer Grumpypants

Retirement and Semi-Retirement

In an interview with The Goblin Gazette he stated: "I had always been passionate about cooking and roast faerie was something I was really good at making. However due to health issues, no eating faeries or human children. If I did I was risking a heart attack." He went on to say: "But, I am old and to tired to be changing my ways and if I only nibble on the occasional pixie... well, they are like mice, nobody cares if you eat them!"

Word got out to Queen Titania and King Oberon of his living nearby and after meeting him they decreed him pardoned for all his UnSeelie acts... However he soon found himself astray of Queen Titania. His abbreviating her name to three letters irked Her Queenlyness and she now will drag Ebenezer around on a collar and leash...She also enjoys teasing him with pixie sticks.

Currently he is studying Fae Lore and Faerie Tales along with translating his mothers cookbook and working on recipes of his own. Along with this he now teaches humans about the Fae. He travels the faerie road between time and space and spend much of his time trying to understand humans better, and teach their children about the Fae and the world around them. Much of this teaching is done at the renaissance festivals in Kentucky and Ohio.

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Goblin Fables and Lore, the name of the show he does to teach humans about Fae.

Ebeneezer has been honored by being named the number 2 children's performer of 2016 by the Renaissance Faire Podcast and has performed at the Kentucky Highland Renaissance Faire, The Great Lakes Medieval Faire, The Ohio Renaissance Festival, The Illinois Renaissance Festival, the Bluegrass Realms Faire, The Cenedl Festival, The Clayshire Castle Medieval Faire, the Rosenvolk German Medieval Faire, the 2019 Kentucky Pirate Festival and had been guest cast the Fishers(now the Indiana), Renaissance Faire.

You can find out more about Ebenezer and see what is going on in his life on the Book O'Faces at
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Meeting with Dim n Wit, the Fairy Brothers

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When I met Twig the Fairy. It was amazing.

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Meeting IK, King of the Trolls

2018 ohrf fantasy weekend Don Messersmith

I always seem to get stuck between these two.

Licorice faeriecicle 1

Faerie on a stick candy

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With King Oberon and Queen Titania... yes she does have me on a leash and collar.